By Cam Lucadou-Wells
Jen Harwood shows that with time and courage a person can be freed from a violent relationship.
As the key speaker, she delivered a raw, impassioned survival tale at Greater Dandenong’s sixth Walk Against Family Violence on 20 November.
Hundreds had filed through the streets of Dandenong to Harmony Square, and were soaking in her words.
The business coach and motivational speaker told of how she and her young daughter felt trapped in a toxic, dangerous marriage.
She was a “refugee in her own family”.
It had started with his disrespectful “put-downs”, financial control and drunken rages.
Ms Harwood says she was isolated. He’d dismissed her friends, her family – and no one knew how she suffered.
“If you feel scared, intimidated and unsafe in your home, that’s domestic violence,” she told the audience.
Four years ago, a testimonial video was shot soon after the first terrifying incident.
“It was the look in his eye,” she said of her husband.
“I didn’t know who he was.”
Her 3-year-old daughter clung around her neck for protection. Then the husband shoved Ms Harwood against the fridge.
He told her not to get between her and “his” daughter.
Ms Harwood held her daughter’s hand as they walked to her bedroom.
“Mummy, will you stay with me?” she said.
“I need a door for my room with a lock.”
Ms Harwood thought ‘what the hell do I do now’.
People ask why didn’t she just leave.
“It’s not that easy. If it was, more people would be doing it,” she said.
She needed a plan to leave with her daughter into safety. She took some furniture, and some credit cards freshly minted in her name.
Then came her husband’s abusive text messages, advice from friends to go back to the “lovely guy”.
“It took me two years to really leave.”
It takes bravery to “burn the bridge”, to endure the shame of ending the relationship. To accept money, accommodation, a car, a job – anything to survive.
“It’s all our problem. It’s not just the woman who bears the problem. We all do.
“Let your community care for you.
“So one day we can care and give back – just like I can today.”
Greater Dandenong mayor Roz Blades told the crowd to reach out for help.
“My wish is each and every victim feels valued and loved – loved enough to realise they don’t have to tolerate family violence.”
Victoria Police’s Superintendent Paul Hollowood said police responded to 8000 family violence call-outs in the South-East corridor in the past year.
It’s the most of any Victorian police region.
Yet despite the chilling stats and the many domestic murders, family violence is still underestimated.
Just one in 10 people fear being victims of family violence – much less than other crimes, Supt Hollowood said.
His message to victims was: “You need not be alone. You need not be silent.
“We are not here to judge. We’ll listen to you and support you.”
