By Jonty Ralphsmith
To celebrate IDAHOBIT Day, Star News has profiled six members of the LGBTQIA+ community across Casey and Dandenong.
IDAHOBIT Day – International Day against homophobia, biphobia, intersexism and transphobia – has been held since 1990 on the same date, 17 May, annually.
The day attempts to educate people, foster inclusion and combat discrimination.
Star News spoke to Jobi Petty, a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, in April who discussed the lack of visibility as a key issue among the queer community in the outer southeast.
To raise awareness across Casey and Dandenong, Star News found out more about the journeys of several LGBTQIA+ members.
In a later edition celebrating Pride Month in June, Star News will also detail the key issues that the queer community believe exist in the southeast region.
The below participant, Raize Rose-King, was one of the community members who shared their journey with Star.
Raize Rose-King: they/them
Dandenong resident Raize Rose-King has a memory littered with transphobia.
After being born as a female, they have always known that they fit somewhere into the queer community.
But casual snides and slurs they heard throughout their childhood engendered apprehension about how to approach the subject.
While concealing their emotion meant that early on the disparage was not directed towards Mx. Rose-King, it gave them a clear indication of how tricky the coming out process would be.
As a child, they heard a conversation from someone discussing that a member of their family was “dramatic and wanting attention” for preferring the ‘they/them’ pronouns.
It engrained a belief that if they were ever to change their pronouns, it could not be to ‘they/them’ or they would be stigmatised in the same way.
Approximately every six months they had a conversation with their Mum about their sexuality and identity but it was always swept aside as a taboo subject, an element of Mx. Rose-King’s quirkiness rather than anything to take seriously.
It reached a point where the conversations manifested the pain Mx. Rose-King was already suffering, so they decided to stop having the conversations with their Mum leading to them concealing their emotions.
“I wasn’t really sure where I sat in the community,” Mx. Rose-King said.
“There is so many things and I wasn’t sure if this was just a persona I was creating to survive in the world.
“When I decided I might want to be trans I decided to just see how it felt.
Certain that when they revealed to the family in Cairns, they would be transitioning to a man, they would be met with resistance, Mx Rose-King recalled enjoying family time, particularly showing affection to their nephews and niece one final time.
The bags were packed ready to stay in accommodation for the night.
While they were not fully accepted then, the true hurt came two years later when they had to rush up there due to a death in the family.
“The kids were coming home and my brother wanted to shave my face and I said ‘no’.
“So he wanted to tell them I was taking medication that has made me grow a beard.
“He had two years to explain it to the kids in a way he wanted – when was he going to say something?”
Given the magnitude of issues that Mx. Rose-King had for so long internalised, they decided to see a therapist when they came to Melbourne seven years ago, something they knew was overdue.
But there was such apprehension that instead of being upfront about the issues faced, they initially concocted a problem for the therapist to solve and applied what was being told to them to the real issues.
“I really wish I had felt comfortable talking about a lot of things – there are a lot of thought patterns I’m trying to unteach myself now,” they said.
“I put a persona up and said ‘let’s fix my problem’, then I walked out and said ‘good job I feel so much better.’
Since they have felt confident being authentic to themself, wearing whatever is comfortable, posting photos that have revealed their identity, life has improved.
However, Mx Rose-King still feels disenchanted from lots of social settings.
The lingering question mark on how their identity would be received results in anxiety in social settings.
If people tell Mx Rose-King that they are not accepted, they would not know to react.
Worse still, what if people don’t tell them they are not accepted and instead gossip behind their back?
To avert that stress, it is mostly in queer settings that they socialise, but they wish that there were more places they felt comfortable others included them.
The reaction of their then 13-year-old niece, Ruby, when they were both was in Cairns for the familial death, however, gives Mx Rose-King hope that inclusion and understanding is increasing by generation.
“When I came over and walked through the door, Ruby said ‘you want Raize as your name now?’ and I said ’yes’.
Then she said ‘would you prefer ‘Aunty Raize or Uncle Raize’ and I was fine for them to still call me ‘Aunty Raize’.
“Then she said ‘no, no, no, what wold you prefer and what are your pronouns?’
“That was the most I had gotten from anyone outside the queer community and it is from a 13-year-old – that is what the younger generation can provide.”
