By Jonty Ralphsmith
To celebrate IDAHOBIT Day, Star News has profiled six members of the LGBTQIA+ community across Casey and Dandenong.
IDAHOBIT Day – International Day against homophobia, biphobia, intersexism and transphobia – has been held since 1990 on the same date, 17 May, annually.
The day attempts to educate people, foster inclusion and combat discrimination.
Star News spoke to Jobi Petty, a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, in April who discussed the lack of visibility as a key issue among the queer community in the outer southeast.
To raise awareness across Casey and Dandenong, Star News found out more about the journeys of several LGBTQIA+ members.
In a later edition celebrating Pride Month in June, Star News will also detail the key issues that the queer community believe exist in the southeast region.
The below participant, Pam Tumath was one of the community members who shared their journey with Star.
Pam Tumath: they/them
Each time Pam Tumath bought a new computer, they would always make sure they backed up all their documents – particularly one which contained their short story.
The narrative, which Mx. Tumath started as a teenager, centred on two best friends and had elements of science-fiction.
As Mx Tumath learned more about their own identity, the narrative evolved in to a lesbian romance and it is now planned to be a series of six stories that are worked on in their spare time.
Writing allows Mx Tumath to express themself in a world they have never fully felt they fit in to.
Now a middle-aged woman, there was little discussion about the LGBTQIA+ community so they were never able to cite a reason for why they felt disconnected.
“I didn’t feel like I was lying (by not coming out), I just didn’t have all the information myself so couldn’t tell other people,” they said.
Eventually I told a family friend and she said ‘’der’, we’ve known for a while’ – I have basically had a positive reaction from everyone I told.”
Looking back, Mx Tumath said they displayed signs of the ‘booch lesbian stereotype’: they were a tomboy and liked different things to their friends but never quite knew what it meant.
Then one day, aged 42, it all made sense to them.
Ultimately, Mx Tumath lost 42 years of their life because they were unaware of their sexuality and thought they had to follow the archetypal Australian dream of being a wife and having kids.
Mx. Tumath even got married to a man – and although separated long ago, remains legally married despite now dating a female.
It was only last year, more than a decade after coming out as lesbian that they began identifying as non-binary.
Again, the reason it took so long to reach that realisation is because of the prior lack of discussion.
They are now upfront about their identity, and Mx Tumath believes most people are endeared by that honesty and those who aren’t “know where the door is”.
“People still don’t think we exist out here: there is plenty of us but finding them is the hardest thing,” Mx Tumath said.
“Not everyone wants to be part of the community but I think there is value in that we think the same way and we face similar challenges.”
