By Kalyan Ky, Keysborough mother-of-three
In 2014, I recited a speech about using trade as a catalyst for aid in deference to traditional aid methods.
Despite the applause the speech received, I felt a sinking feeling inside of me.
Instead of delighting in the praise, I felt as if there was a fog growing around me and everything became distant.
What I didn’t realise at the time was that I was relapsing into depression, and that the dark hole that is often written and talked about was taking hold of me.
Mental illness can affect anyone from all walks of life.
It can creep up on you so unexpectedly that sometimes you wonder, why me?
I was newly married, had bought a house, was raising two beautiful young kids and living the life I had imagined.
I had a pleasant upbringing, engaged in sports and pursued all my passions.
I was even given a young achiever award.
But after my second child was born, all that didn’t seem to matter and I felt myself falling into despair and constant failure, into what was the first instance of postnatal depression.
The pressure has taken its toll.
I found myself fumbling and making regrettable mistakes.
I found myself being dragged along and taken advantage of and did not realise how much control I had lost over my mind and body.
I was unable to coherently articulate what was going on and found myself at complete loss of direction and became incredibly numb.
Every conversation and every task became a Goliath effort.
With my change in behaviour came the torrent of judgement and abuse from those who did not understand what was going on.
I became enclosed in a shell and although I was trying to ward off the bullying that often unfortunately encompasses mental health cases, it created a sense of empathy in me as I knew this must happen to many out there, but there are limited voices to advocate for the plight.
The stigma of mental illness is real and not widely understood in the community and bureaucracy.
I felt I was not able to access the right services in the public sector at the time and the rotating assistance only made the problem worst – it was only in the private sector that I was able to get clarity.
At the same time, I was unwilling to speak about it because of the fear of backlash.
But this shouldn’t be the case, as seeking help does wonders and puts your life back together so you can be the person that you want to be.
Mental health assistance and awareness should be on the top of our agenda and something that should not be feared and stigmatised.
As the old cliche goes, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, but we forget that we always need someone to help us walk through it.
And life becomes beautiful again when you can delight in the smiles of your children and their little successes and believe in yourself again.
– Kalyan Ky is the founder of the Trade Partnership Centre, a community activist, writer and musician, and was awarded the City of Greater Dandenong’s Australia Day Young Achiever of the Year award in 2011.
